picture

when is it strange to have your picture taken by a stranger? if they give you a spiel about how they work for company x or magazine x, are you more comfortable with it? the stranger who takes that picture of you could use it to get paid somehow or masturbate to..some indigenous peoples believe that your soul will get stolen if you have your picture taken. if so, i've gotten my soul stolen twice today. photographers: please don't be weirdos.

sexual tension

needs a really big knife.

holly miranda

incredible musician with a beautiful, hauntingly soulful voice. she seems to take you back to a time when you didn't even know you existed.

warning

too much excitement can cause sleeplessness. caffeine consumption also does not help.

oven

my oven is erratic. since when did they start making them with temperature tantrums? (drum queue)

dream 4/28

in it, i like a boy and think that maaybe there's a chance with him. as i hear him coming home (he seems to be my neighbor), i leave my apartment to "run into him" and as i walk towards him, i see that he's holding the hand of a blonde girl and taking her inside. they're quick stepping, so i'm sure that they are going inside to shag. i look the other way and keep walking like i haven't noticed them at all.

neighbor: represents someone close in your proximity, but not completely intimate with. symbolizes mystery. having a dream about a "neighbor" may suggest and interest in something familiar, but not well known to you.

blonde: symbolizes beauty and attractiveness. having a dream about a blonde may signify jealousy or insecurity.

forty winks

why is it that when your body needs x amount of sleep, really needs it, that it just won't cooperate? it's like it knows and likes playing bad tricks on you. damn you consciousness! why can't you waver?

concerto

tonight, the san francisco conservatory of music had a concert that featured a pianist and trumpet player performing "the hollow men, op.25" (1944) by vincent persichetti, inspired by t.s. eliot's poem of the same title. the trumpet player read the poem aloud and then the piano came in with slow, haunting notes. the piece sounded like something between classical and jazz, definitely fragmented and abrupt, but still quite fluid. tres bien!

kind words

"i remember all the days he would walk us to and from school!!"

"He was such a kind man and I will always remember how he took care of us when we hung out (the good food!)"

"I remember the time he made rice and invited me to have dinner lol"


thanks for remembering<3

sweet

it's been a good day. received a delivery of roses at my door with a card that said, "hey _______, i haven't seen you smile in a while. i thought this can cheer you up." without a name or anything (but i knew who it was from). it was such a genuine, sweet gesture. it's lovely to know that there are still sincere people out there. thank you _______

old friends

they remember him. not quite as i remember him, but still they remember him. and what they remember is as sweet as what i remember. they remember things i don't and i remember many things they don't but in the end, it's important that they remember still. it's sometimes hard to remember. it's sometimes fun to remember. it's often lovely to remember. i remember him loving me well. i remember him treating them well. they remember him as treating them well. i remember him well. i remember when he was well. they remember when he was very well. i remember some of the things they remember but not some things they remember. i'm so glad they remember. i hope they'll always remember. i'll always, always remember.

bedtime

as i prep myself for sleep (reading the news, checking out blogs, surfing the internet etc.), i've come across a very interesting article from the nytimes about the fine line between consciousness and sleep: the very thing i wondered about this morning. in my dream, i couldn't decipher between the real world and the dream world. my vivid experience of "waking" several times led me to believe that i had actually woken up, when in reality, i was waking up from a dream in my dream. in the past, i've dreamt of negative things only to find myself actually angry or upset, even after the dream had long been over. the very concept of dreams as a gateway to our subconscious is wrought with questions of desire and reality. are we being more real or true in our dreams than when we are in our wakefulness? does that mean that we can only begin to know ourselves by the vague symbols of our dreams? if so, i have no idea who (or what) i am.


http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/04/21/what-is-sleep/

ex-factor by lauryn hill

love re-discovering songs.



It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

{Hook:}
No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will

{Repeat Hook}

Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me

There for me, there for me
Said you'd be there for me

Cry for me, cry for me
You said you'd die for me

Give to me, give to me
Why won't you live for me

dreams

i've always been fascinated with dreams. how are they "decoded"? ever picked up a dream book? they're full of symbols that are "explained" quite plainly. quite matter-of-factly, actually. Dreamt about missing this very important test..three times. they were dreams within dreams, as if each layer was peeled like an onion, i kept waking up to look at a clock to tell me that i had missed it. this test determines my near future, so yes, it makes perfect sense that i would feel a little pressured about it. Reoccurring objects: clock; bright, brilliant blue ocean; and the hills of san francisco. what do these mean? even if i looked into a dream dictionary it wouldn't explain it to my satisfaction. freud? not likely either. so i've created my own:

clock: keeper of time by representing the past, present, future. symbolizes healing and change. creates a feeling of anxiety, heartache, and anger. having a dream with an obvious presence of a clock may suggest that one is anticipating the effects of time on one's mental, physical or emotional state.

bright, brilliant, blue ocean: represents freedom, renewal, or sadness. creates feelings of calmness and also of indulgence. a bright, brilliant, blue ocean signifies that one is experiencing an evolution.

hills of san francisco: represents an arduous endeavor. creates feelings of struggle and exertion. dreaming about the hills of san francisco means that one is encountering a difficult situation that one is in the process of overcoming. and will succeed.

observances of today

.just let it all out. you'll feel better afterwards
.phone tag can span up to 6+ calls
.the train takes longer when it's effin cold outside
.don't throw old pictures away. they're invaluable.
.babies grow up really, really fast. faster than you can read this post.
.family is precious
.for an aching heart, a good song, film, or a hot shower helps.

have a nice day.

LXT

your song is "landslide" by fleetwood mac. you were a big part of my heart. thank you for loving me so well. in peace, may you rest.

death

where does one go when one dies? heaven would be nice. i hope it's something like heaven. something like it. something.

life

works in very mysterious ways. have hope and think about the things you are grateful for in life and i promise, things will be okay.

the last station

might still be playing at a theatre near you.

touching, romantic (not in the sappy way), and intriguing in its themes about the role of love and philosophy during the last year of tolstoy's life. it is beautifully set, subtle in its rendering of the icon and is dramatic until the end.


it is based on a novel of the same title by jay parini. how much of it is truth and how much is fiction, i don't know. but who really does anyhow?

hot water

if i bring my own cup, i shouldn't have to pay 45 cents for hot water, cafe rosso (located at sfsu). are you providing me with water that comes from the hot springs in peru? didn't think so.

manhattan

a bigger version of san francisco that's got a 24 hour public transportation system, way more 24 hour food places, and later night life. and the best ice cream ever. sorry mitchell's. but you're soo close, i'll still have you any day, baby.