eff dpt

DPT,
we appreciate that you ticket and tow the poorest of the poor but when a caucasian male runs up to you in an ironed, starchy white dress shirt, black slacks and shiny black shoes, he somehow manages to convince you to not tow his benz. we all know you give him a break cause he's rich and white, yet you wouldn't give that same courtesy to anyone of a different race or class. your generosity is duly noted.

soul food

good company and good food go hand in hand. what's better than sharing a delicious, home cooked meal with friends? telling stories and bonding over dessert is such a beautiful thing.

stank ass feet

strange things happen in the city. strangers come up to you asking if they can film your feet while you comment that yo' feet smell like corn chips. and to tell whoever's watching to smell your stank ass feet. and the stranger part is that living in this city has made you crazy enough to agree to it. see you on creepy foot-fetish websites, friends!

folsom street fair

saw:
-flaccid penises
-hard penises
-a guy putting his penis into another guy's mouth
-saggy breasts
-a guy fingering another guy's butt hole
-perky breasts
-women whipping men
-women whipping women
-men scratching women
-assless chaps
-women handcuffed to wheels
-tiny penises
-pasty, naked men
-a guy biting another guy's ass
-a guy biting a transvestite's boob

i've met my penis quota for the next decade.

heights

they say that you should do one thing a day that scares you. first of all, who is "they"? well, today i am going to jump out of a plane. note that i am deathly afraid of heights. yes, today my balls are going to get sucked into my stomach, cause there is real danger of death or becoming maimed in the event. when i tell people about my jump, some react with "that's awesome!" while more conservative folk reply by saying, "that's stupid. you could die." yes, but you could die at any time living in this crazy city. i don't know how many times i've almost been hit by a car as a pedestrian. walking through the shady parts of town at night is equally dangerous as jumping off a small plane, strapped to someone that is hopefully good looking. at any rate, my travel bug has gotten infinitely worse in the last few years and as a result, my risky side has as well. i'm hoping to have a life changing, philosophical awakening. adventure is out there!

still got it

you know you've still got it when the delivery driver hits on you at work. inside the fridge.

oh darn

the thing about living in sf is that it's exhausting having to give directions to good looking tourists all the time...