real fake weather

dear manhattan,
i know you're pretty hot right now and you think that turning the AC up will solve the problem (it usually does), but i'd like to refute that idea at the moment. can you please consolidate your weather? it's 81 degrees outside and like, 60 degrees in the cafe i'm sitting in, making me chronically dissatisfied with my body temperature. i'd normally be thrilled and wouldn't normally be complaining, but today i am. make me happy, please! i'm either going to freeze or leave you. and i don't want to break your heart. again.

sincerely,
effinyellow.

boo you, G

Dear G train,
I hate you on the weekends. You're always terribly erratic and are never there when I need you. You really irritated me today and I really wanted to punch you, but I couldn't cause, well, you didn't come.

Sincerely,
Commuter

in new york

I think I get duped

over semblances of intelligence

and wit in otherwise boring men.

feelin' the nyc heat

if i had balls, they'd definitely be sweaty.

wanted:

first dates are quite similar to job interviews. you put on your best suit, ask/answer qualifying questions and assess whether the candidate has the right skills and requirements to fit the position. to speed up this process, i've invented a website where you can "apply" to date someone. just send in your resume with relevant information: a bio, what your interests are, relationship experience of the last five years and your reasons for leaving. don't forget a charming cover letter.

send it to myimagination.com, cause that's where the website exists.

splash

i always wonder whether straight guys secretly cruise gay clubs so that they can dance with girls, with less chances of rejection. some gay men think they can put their hands all over you, cause they're "gay" and it's "okay."

to mysterious man that danced behind me for a minute: you could've gotten me a drink before you groped me. and please god, i hope you were gay.

breakin my heart

dear market on greene ave and cumberland st.,
why do hurt my feelings by selling me a $4 avocado? breakin the bank. and my heart.