in new york

I think I get duped

over semblances of intelligence

and wit in otherwise boring men.

feelin' the nyc heat

if i had balls, they'd definitely be sweaty.

wanted:

first dates are quite similar to job interviews. you put on your best suit, ask/answer qualifying questions and assess whether the candidate has the right skills and requirements to fit the position. to speed up this process, i've invented a website where you can "apply" to date someone. just send in your resume with relevant information: a bio, what your interests are, relationship experience of the last five years and your reasons for leaving. don't forget a charming cover letter.

send it to myimagination.com, cause that's where the website exists.

splash

i always wonder whether straight guys secretly cruise gay clubs so that they can dance with girls, with less chances of rejection. some gay men think they can put their hands all over you, cause they're "gay" and it's "okay."

to mysterious man that danced behind me for a minute: you could've gotten me a drink before you groped me. and please god, i hope you were gay.

breakin my heart

dear market on greene ave and cumberland st.,
why do hurt my feelings by selling me a $4 avocado? breakin the bank. and my heart.

right

your tirade has gone long enough, right wingers. are you going to try and claim that the birth certificate is fake now? get over yourselves and get to work. you know, to try and take over the country.

will dance for books

dear jonathan safran foer,
i'd looove to read your book, tree of codes, but i am, how do you say, ah yes..poor. please send me a copy with a spray of your cologne in the jacket if you so desire.

sincerely,
brokeinnewyork